The Impact of Parenting Styles on Lifespan Development III
2008-09-05

by Quinn Hooks

A Biblical View of Parenting

The Bible has much to say in regards to child rearing and parental style. One of the more popular clichés is “spare the rod and spoil the child” which not exactly what the text says. People have used this cliché to authorize child abuse but that is not what Solomon wrote. Rather, the Bible says, “He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him” (Proverbs 13:24, New International Version). Due to original sin, children are in need of boundaries. Romans 5:19 says, “For just as through the disobedience of the one man the many were made sinners, so also through the obedience of the one man the many will be made righteous” (NIV). God’s Law itself establishes boundaries for believers. In fact, the Fifth Commandment which deals with how children are to treat their parents is the first commandment with a promise. The laws and regulations in Leviticus and Deuteronomy come with a promise that observance of them would keep the Israelites from suffering the same illnesses and diseases of the Egyptians.

The idea of discipline means to set boundaries or parameters with reasonable consequences for their violation. The ideas concerning the philosophy surrounding discipline has been described as a pendulum that swings from one extreme to other. At one end of this pendulum is domination and control while at the other is permissiveness (Dobson, Jam, 1970/1992). Discipline is meant to establish boundaries with logical consequences for violating these boundaries. This concept of discipline as boundaries with logical consequences is further seen in Paul’s writings where he says, “Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4, NIV). This is clearly an admonition against the authoritarian parenting style dominant in the first century Roman Empire. Paul further mentioned this concept when he writes, “Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged” (Colossians 3:21, NIV). The authoritative parenting style best accomplishes this goal.

Solomon also writes, “Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it” (Proverbs 22:6, NIV). This word “train” gives the idea in the Hebrew of starting a child on the right path which parents are supposed to do. The word “way” is special in its usage because in Hebrew it means “bent.” This word is also used in the “way of the eagle” and the “way” of a man with a maid. The parent is to see the bent or talents of his child and lead him in that direction so they may take to the way of the eagle and fly high. The Bible tells us that children are “like arrows in the hands of a warrior are sons born in one’s youth” (Psalms 127:4, NIV). If reared under the right circumstances, children will fly straight and true.

Modern research is now proving what the Bible has always said to be true. Parenting style has a great impact upon the development of the individual’s behavioral control, autonomy, and his mental health. In dealing with people with mental health issues, the home life must be considered. To fully understand a person’s development and current situation, the parenting style of their parents must be taken into account. To bring peace to their mental health, they must have peace with their past.

Also, parenting style has a theological impact in that it has the potential to skew one’s concept of God as our Heavenly Father. A tainted view of one’s earthly father will in most cases lead to a tainted misunderstanding of our Heavenly Father. Dr. James Dobson (1970/1992) points this out in his personal life as he came to this realization one day with his own children. He uses a story from his personal life to illustrate this point. When his son was very young, Dr. Dobson always took the responsibility for prayer at meal time and family devotion time. Once, when he went on a trip for an engagement, his wife asked the son to say the blessing at breakfast. The little boy earnestly prayed to God, “I love you, Daddy!” (Dobson, James, 1970/1992). He points out that children identify their parents with God.

Conclusion

There is exciting research being done in the area of parenting styles. A great deal more research will be needed in the area of parenting styles and its impact on a person’s development. It is a challenge to evaluate the research, theories, controversies surrounding parenting styles and their impact in the various area of a person’s development throughout the lifespan up to young adulthood.

These four styles are the authoritarian, authoritative, permissive, and uninvolved. The authoritarian is very restrictive and very controlling resulting in children who have low self esteem and moderate academic success. The authoritative is very democratic as the parents seek to develop the child full potential. The permissive is very warm but seeks to cater to the child which results in a reduction in socialization skills. The uninvolved parent is not involved in the child’s life and in worst case scenarios, it results in emotional abuse. Children with uninvolved parents are more likely to engage in problem behaviors.

There continues to rage a debate between nature and nurture but this can be resolved with more careful research. The research in the area in cultural expectations is already producing fruitful results. As this data is gathered, it will further the understanding of the impact of parenting styles on children’s development helping parents in the future to help their children fully realize their potential as individuals.

A careful study of Scriptures shows that the authoritative parenting style is favored. In the past, the Bible was used to condone physical abuse with the taking of Scripture out of context. God lays out the principle of boundaries and consequences for violating those boundaries. Parents are to guide their children in a warm, nurturing environment so that once the children reaches adulthood, he may fly in the way of the eagle.

In counseling, parenting styles must be taken into account. The parenting style to which a person was exposed has long term impact on his lifespan development. A person must make peace with his past before his can move into the future.


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